ON RETURNING

England is a cold bath to get into. Another year away, another year spent teaching A-B-C out in tropical village schools but now it’s Sept 2011 and here are Essex streets all again in my eyes and ears and nostrils. Back home after 365 days away: it’s like being Doctor Who, regenerating, who am I now? The next… however many… months will possess a mood, a sequence of moods: how much of it is going to hurt?

LET’S LET’S PLAY PLAY PRETEND.

The town, these busy roads, no-one shouts out my name as I pass, no strangers offer me food or chat, they don’t know me and they don’t want to know. God I am so far from the world.

I’M A TONGUE TWISTER TWIZZLIN’ THE TONGUE MISSUS,                                TRY REPEATIN’ BUT YOU’LL PROBABLY HAVE THE WRONG LYRICS…

First drugs with friends, a familiar ritual by now, all this coming and going. Nothing much to say; enjoy it anyway.

New albums by Half Man Half Biscuit and Björk soon: but the last time I was back Jamie T saw off all contenders with his “Panic Prevention” LP and maybe Envy will do the same this time? Because the only voices that make any sense, the only sound that sounds like now, are the many voices of Nicola Varley aka Envy whose “Set Yourself On Fire” is on a loop…

SO TELL THEM BITCHES THAT THEY DON’T WANNA MAKE YOUR SISTER MAD.

Benched in the High Street reading “SUPERGODS.” Not one person sits down next and says “What you reading? My place or yours?” It’s just shops, the same shops are they? are they the same shops as before? or different ones? I dunno man, I just… I dunno, man.

Oi! You lot! I’ve known packs of cards that made a more convincing reality than you. What’s really going on? What demon is doing what to whom and why? – says I, to no-one.

Losing the plot a bit: “Life’s a fucking catastrophe! Everyone’s older and grimmer!” no no no tune that out, adjust, be bbbbbbb this country! It’s fucking dead everything’s dead! no, quiet.

HOW DOES SHE BREATHE?

Why are there police-sirens all the time? Why are there police-sirens all the time?

NORMAL!!

And: what’s that coin

burning a hole

in your pocket,

mister?

EEURGH!

E-mails from my students back in Thailand. “You don’t get depressed” writes Goy, sends a pic of some ice-cream too. If I was Doctor Who it’d be coming up to a good bit soon.

LIKE I TOLD YOU, SOMETIMES I THINK DEEP…

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