Grant Morrison wrote the following words on the 16th September 2001, anticipating the capture of Osama bin Laden. I think they’re even more relevant today.
Or… here’s my favourite solution, which would actually be much more effective than any other but who’s going to listen to a loony peacenik like me?
We bring bin Laden back to the U.S. for trial and before locking him up, we keep him under house arrest…. in the Playboy Mansion!
Subject the brutal bastard to the very best that the capitalist, hedonist western democracies have to offer. Give him endless offers of soapy tit fucks and baby-oiled five-in-a-bed romps and believe me, after enough time, he WILL succumb. He WILL embrace the glory that is western democracy.
And when he succumbs, the pictures can be shown worldwide. Islamic fundamentalists need sex and drugs to loosen them up; dropping bombs on their friends only makes them angrier, harder, stronger and more determined. They won’t kill George Bush or Tony Blair but they will kill more innocent people like you and me in the next big terrorist assault.
If we turn this into a war, only the innocent will suffer.
If we absorb bin Laden into our sexy, decadent culture we can ruin him as a figurehead and destroy the effectiveness of his cause.
For God’s sake America! Let Hef take charge and SEND IN THE BIMBOS! Girls with big breasts are much better at changing men’s inflexible minds than men with big guns are.